ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
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