No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
