we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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