1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
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