I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
now i know why i became what i already was.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
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