I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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