She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
