okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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