are you so shy because you have an std?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
