Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Randomize
