I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
accomplished twins. life is a go
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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