Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
