I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Houston, we have a squirter
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
