theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
