He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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