All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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