i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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