Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
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Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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