The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Randomize
