never play flip cup with pint glasses
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
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