Pants 0. Shit 1.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
