Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
