Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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