Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
