sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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