im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
