If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
