We won't sleep together?
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
