The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
