I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
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I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
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They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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