Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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