Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
