Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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