Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
