does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
