It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
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She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
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When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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