Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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