Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
