do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
