Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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