And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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