Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Randomize
