party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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