in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
