Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
