I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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