the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
