he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
