Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
