Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
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