when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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