Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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