As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
