does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
