Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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