I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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