1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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