Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Randomize
