I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
