In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
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I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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