I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize