conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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