At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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