just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
