ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
