Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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