sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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