In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
