You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
